What a pickle

Robbie and his friends had come up with a wacky idea. They gave each other a week to go shopping with their mum's, slip an item into the shopping basket, pay for it at the checkout and get it home without mum noticing until the shopping was unpacked. Surprisingly, all six of the group that concocted this idea succeeded. Robbie's friend Nick had managed it with a raspberry jelly, Robbie had sneaked through a jar of pickles.

"What on earth is this?" asked mum as she unpacked at home. 

Robbie came clean and mum couldn't help but laugh.  She also told  Robbie in no uncertain terms, not to do it again. Robbie took a photo of mum holding the jar of pickles to show his friends and was quite happy when mum told him she would take it to her book club raffle. After all, nobody in the family particularly liked pickles.

The following day, mum came home from her book club.

"There's good news and bad news" she announced.

"The good news is, I won a prize in the book club raffle. The bad news is that I won the blasted pickles again."

Everybody laughed.

"I'll take the pickles round to Mr Barclay" Suggested Dad. Mr Barclay was their next door neighbour.

Now once a week, Annabelle emptied Mr Barclay's rubbish bins to earn a little bit of extra pocket money. The next day, as she took the rubbish outside, one of the bags split. Annabelle thought she had picked it all up, but she failed to notice the jar of pickles as it fell to the ground and rolled gently to their front door. Mum was completely bemused as she opened the door a little later and found the pickles lying on their step.

"I'll go and bury them in the wood" suggested Robbie. He jumped on his bike, took a trowel and dug a fairly deep hole. He put in the jar of pickles and covered them with earth.

The following day, the family heard the gate open at the end of the path and Dad felt sure he caught a glimpse of the mysterious dog that had helped him a few weeks previously. There on the step, was a muddy jar of pickles.

"I'll clean them up and take them into the office. One of the girls will probably take them " Said Dad.

That evening, Dad came home with a glum look on his face.

"I told one of the girls to take the jar on my desk" He said. "They took the wrong jar and went off with my humbugs" He wailed.

"I know" Said mum. "I'll donate them to the jumble sale being held at the village hall. If we then don't go to the sale, we can't get them back."

So that's what they did. But that evening, there was a knock at the door and there stood Mum's friend Mrs Pennington-Smythe.

" I saw these at the jumble sale" She said, holding up the jar of the pickles. "You always seem to have some around the house when I've been here recently so I thought you might like them."

The whold family collapsed in hysterical laughter leaving a bemused Mrs Pennington-Smythe to leave with a baffled expression on her face.

The jar of pickles were moved to a corner of the garage as a family mascot and always brought a smile to any member of the family when they saw them.

 Thanks to Morgan Johnstone for suggesting the two words - Jumble & pickles.

Horrible homework

For the first time in like, ever! Robbie had been enjoying his homework. In an inspired attempt to teach his class history, Miss Knowles had introduced them to the concept of 'Horrible history' from around the World and had set them the homework of finding the most gruesome things possible.

Some had gone better that others. Robbie's small poxed make-up had frightened music teacher Miss Jarvis so much, that she had dropped a trumbone onto her left big toe.

 Another boy on the class had come to school with a fake axe through his head but had got it jammed in the door and had given himself a nosebleed. Unfortunately, the nose bleed had seeped through to Miss Knowles's packed lunch and she had become quite grumpy.

There had been putrid pirates and evil Queen's galore and one boy had even come in with a papier mache horses head that ended up being the classroom mascot for the rest of the year.

All the class had learnt loads about terrible diseases, evil tyrants and unpleasant methods of punishing people.

Then one morning, just after the project had ended, Robbie's friend Nick seemed to go a funny shade of light green and apparently lost the ability to talk. He pushed his chair away from Robbie so fast that he actually toppled over and ended up crushing Katie Dunn's new school satchel.

Robbie was confused but couldn't get a coherent sentence out of Nick.

 Nick just said "Orrrrrlaminkkle' or 'Plagggguespoooootik'

Robbie put it down to Nick's team suffering a bad loss the night before and got on with his simple arithmetic problems.

But suddenly, as the day went on, Nick started doing the strangest things .

He got a blanket from lost property and put it on Nick in the middle of recorder practice in music. He sneaked out of school and bought Robbie an iced bun at lunchtime. He kept bringing cups of water and at one point offered Robbie a warm, wet towel.

At the end of the day, Nick went rushing to Miss Knowles and whispered in her ear.

Miss Knowles wasn't known for her hysterical laughter but this particular bout went on for about 5 minutes. At last, she regained her composure and called Robbie over.

"No Nick" she said. "Robbie is not dying and does not have the plague. Those freckle-like spots and rashes are not symptoms of the bubonic plague. They're specks of paint from earlier today when Robbie was helping us finish off our Horrible history display for assembly" "He obviously missed a bit when he washed his ha......AH-hahahahaha..."

Miss Knowles collapsed again in uncontrollable mirth.  Nick went a bright shade of crimson and crestfallen, skulked out of the classroom feeling a bit of a twit.

Robbie, although he could see the funny side, was kind of touched that his friend Nick had cared so much.

That night, Nick asked mum to knock up a batch of homemade iced buns. He took them round to Nick's house and they happily munched them whilst watching not horrible histories, but a replay of Nick's favourite team winning away from home. 

 Story based on the two suggested words - Dying & World.

Doorstep dilemma

It was a quiet summer’s evening. Mum was baking muffins, Dad was watching the game on TV and Robbie was trying to locate a particularly itchy piece of ear wax with a pencil.

The letter box gently rattled and Annabelle came into the lounge a couple of minutes later clutching an unaddressed envelope.

“I don’t know what this is or who it is for” She announced.

“Open it sweetie” Said Mum s she handed around honeycomb muffins that were still warm and so delicious that they rendered everyone speechless for a few moments.

“ It’s a poem” Said Annabelle. “It says”
I promise that I’m not a bore
Meet at the clock at say, ten past four.

None of the family knew what this meant and as Dad’s team were losing, he suggested that the family go to the clock in the town for 4 o’clock to see if any light could be thrown on this mystery.

They arrived in town on time, only to find the place almost deserted. Just Billy Sadler, a boy from Annabelle’s school sat on a bench near the clock. He looked horrified to see Annabelle and made a vague attempt to cover his face with his collar.

“Maybe, he fancies you” Joked Robbie.

“No chance” Replied Annabelle “He’s never liked me since I snapped his protractor.”

The family returned home and forgot about the mysterious rhyme. But then the next day, at the same time, another poem arrived through the post box, again unaddressed.

This time Robbie read it
You’ll have the best time since you’ve been alive
Meet at the clock around quarter to five.

Once again the family went to the town clock at the time specified on the rhyme and again nothing happened and nobody appeared, although Billy Sadler was again sitting on the same bench.

The family went home and almost found themselves hoping that another rhyme would arrive the next day. And indeed it did. Mum decided it was her turn to read
A fun filled evening at the flicks
Meet at the clock at twenty past six.

But it was the same story. The family went to the clock. Nobody came to meet them and Billy Sadler was again sitting on the bench.

“Does that boy not have a home to go to” Exclaimed Dad.
“He’s a loser” replied Annabelle.

Mum treated the family to a night at the cinema anyway and Robbie was very proud to have managed to stuff 25 pieces of popcorn into his mouth at one time.

The next day, another poem arrived and Dad read it out loud.
I’m not allowed out as late as eleven
Best I can do, is five past seven.

The family went to the clock for five past seven and once again saw Billy Sadler although this time he was hopping from foot to foot in a slightly agitated way.

Mum decided to go and make sure he was all right.

“I’m fine” Said Billy. “I was hoping that Ashleigh Campbell would agree to meet me, I’ve left four notes through her door at number 65, but she hasn’t turned up”

“Billy “ Said mum in a gentle voice. “We live at number 65, I think you may have left the notes at the wrong house”

Billy dived for his pocket and pulled out a grubby piece of paper that looked like it had been through the washing machine at least twice. Billy suddenly went a bright shade of crimson and he was sure that mum could feel the heat from his cheeks.

“Oh no” he wailed “I should have put it through number 95”

Annabelle had slouched over at this point and couldn’t help letting out a little shriek of amusement.

Billy hurried home and Annabelle made sure that she facebooked Ashleigh to relate the story.

Ashleigh pretended to not be interested, but was actually a little flattered.

She left a little note in Billy’s locker the following day whilst nobody was looking.
It said.
You may not have found my front door
But I’ll be at the clock at just after four.

Ashleigh and Billy only went on the one date and that was to a café in the next town so that nobody would recognise them. But Billy had a wide smile on his face for at least a week.

Windsor mess

Mum was all of a flap!

Her book club was meeting at her house for the first time and it was the host's job to provide light refreshments.

On a summer's evening, Mum had decided to lay on a selection of dainty sandwiches with some crisps to nibble on. Nothing more substantial was required as there would be a lot of talking going on as this months book was discussed.

Mum had used tis as an excuse to visit the fancy new deli. that had  opened in the High Street. The place was amazing. Delicate looking rolls and loaves circled in front of your eyes on these clever carousel's that rotated at just the right speed. Gentle music and the smell of fresh baking seemed to rend you incapable of leaving the store.

Mum eventually decided on an exotic sounding pumpkin bread that was the most glorious, golden brown colour. 

Dad had been dispatched to the lounge where he could watch the game on the TV. Robbie was in the garden and Annabelle was in her room painting each of her toenails a different colour to see which she liked the most.  Bubbles the cat had curled up on Annabelle's bed but decided to leave her room when a particularly harsh rap song started up on the CD player. Unfortuately, Bubbles knocked over Annabelle's favourite nail varnish that went on as gold and then cracked in a trendy way.

Bubbles narrowly avoided a damp sock that Annabelle had angrily thrown in her direction.

Mum was determined to impress, particularly with the ultra-critical Mrs Pennington-Smythe rumoured to be in attendance.

Mum arranged all the sandwiches in delightful patterns on a three-tiered old fashioned tea plate that mum had inherited from her grandmother.

Meanwhile, Robbie was in the garden, absent-mindedly firing his pump action water pistol at birds that happened to land in their tall apple tree. Little did Robbie know that Bubbles had decamped up the tree as she decided it was safer than in the house. One shot of water from Robbie, badly aimed at a wood pigeon, caught Bubbles squarely in the left eye.

Bubbles shot down the tree, flew into the kitchen through the cat flap at exactly the moment that Mum was beginning to transport her beautifully presented sandwiches.

Mum saw Bubbles coming and in an attempt to swerve and avoid her, Mum slipped slightly on a small circle of cucumber. The tiered tea plate lurched at a funny angle and every single one of the sandwiches dropped in a synchronised way to the floor.

Mum was close to tears, but Dad had come into the kitchen for a fresh beer at exactly the right moment.

He dived into the cupboard for a large bowl, scooped up the fallen sandwiches and plopped them all in the bowl.

"Get the Doritto's" He ordered Mum.

"Robbieeee" He yelled.

Robbie trotted in and was slightly taken aback as Dad ordered him to clobber a bag of Doritto's with a rolling pin.

But this sounded like fun and Robbie spent a fun 45 seconds hitting them for all he was worth.

Dad ripped open the bag and poured the smashed crisps over the bowl of sandwiches. Dad then showed a previously unseen ability to chop carrot, pepper, tomato and cucumber at an electrifying rate and he tossed these also into the bowl.

He stirred the mix with two wooden spoons, gave mum 6 forks, one for each of her visitors and told her to pretend that this concoction was deliberate.

 "You've heard of Eton mess. Well, tell them that this is Windsor mess" He explained. "Tell them it's trendy, they won't dare to argue" He carried on.

So that's what mum did.

Unbelievably, it was a huge success. All the book group ladies loved the mixture of crisp, vegetables, pumpkin bread and assorted, mixed fillings.

The dish was so successful, that mum was asked to repeat it every time that book club returned to their house. 

Coded message

Robbie and his friend Nick were not happy!

Double French with Miss Knowles was nobody's idea of fun. To make matters worse, there was a test schedules for later that afternoon.

As Miss Knowles was muttering something about a conjunctive known, there was a knocking sound behind Robbie and Nick that seemed to be coming from the radiator.

Robbie whispered in Nick’s ear that it was probably an air-lock. Robbie had learned this from Dad and knew that you had to bleed radiators to sort out this problem.

Halfway through the French test later that afternoon, the knocking started again.

“Maybe it’s morse code?” Said Nick in a loud whisper.

Unfortunately, Miss Knowles heard the whisper and deducted a mark from Nick.

Robbie however, found this interesting. Maybe it was someone sending code. Nothing for it, this was a problem that needed to be solved.

So after school, Robbie and Nick went to the room above their classroom as that’s where the knocking seemed to be coming from.

It was the girls toilet!

“That’s it” said Robbie. “A girl is sending us a coded message from the toilet”

The boys were excited as can be and shot to the library to borrow a book on morse code so that they could decipher the message.

The school librarian was happy to find such a book. It hadn’t been borrowed for quite some time and had a thick layer of dust. The librarian blew the dust from the cover which unfortunately caught Robbie in the left eye and made him drop his heavy pencil case on to his foot.

The next day the boys sat eagerly in class, not listening to the teacher but waiting for the next coded message. At the same time as the day before, the knocking started.

Nick seemed the quickest at deciphering the code and came up with the following message

Wnyt a bpti uf iy bhfsl

The boys stared at this message for quite a time until Robbie declared

“Want a bite of my bagel. That’s what it says! A girl is inviting us to share her bagel!”

The boys were beside themselves with excitement.

“How do we find out who sent the message” Asked Nick.

Robbie thought for a while and then answered.

“Simple! We borrow a dress from lost property and a lipstick that I can take from Mum’s handbag. She has loads! When the knocking starts, you ask to go to the toilet. Quickly change so that you look like a girl. Go into the girls toilet and see who is sending the message”

Nick thought this was a brilliant plan. He was very worried about dressing up as a girl but didn’t want to look like a wimp.

So after school, Nick managed to borrow a dress whilst Robbie distracted the teacher by complaining of a sharp pain in his left, big toe. In the evening, Robbie took a lipstick Whilst Mum was on a lengthy phone call, arranging her next book club meeting and the boys were ready to go.

So the next day, when the knocking started again, Nick held up his hand and asked if he could go to the toilet.

Off he shot, quickly changed into the dress and slapped on some lipstick although some of that mysteriously ended up on his nose. He charged through the girls toilet door and found………Nothing!! Not a soul was in there.

Nick scratched his head, walked out of the girls toilet and almost collided with Miss Gurney, the head teacher.

“You girl, you know that lipstick is not allowed in school” She bellowed.

Nick fled like the wind. Despite his fear, Nick couldn’t help but think how draughty it was running in a dress. He changed back into his normal clothes, wiped off the lipstick with a tissue and rushed back to class.

Miss Gurney had spotted a distinctive mark on the back of the fleeing child's dress and she knew that this dress belonged to Rosie Leach, one of the naughtier children in the school.

So Rosie was summoned to Miss Gurney’s office and was completely bemused when she was given a detention, after all, Rosie had been singing with the school choir at the time of the alleged offence. But Miss Gurney was quite fierce and Rosie thought it best not to argue.

The knocking on the radiator never occurred again. Robbie and Nick both got a C their French tests and Nick’s Dad could not work out how his son had got lipstick on his nose.

Little did the boys know that Miss Jarvis, the music teacher had been planning a school concert in her spare periods. She had listened to her i-pod for songs that could be used and was prone to tapping her foot in time to the music on a radiator pipe in her room. The noise had echoed down the pipes and, well, you know the rest!

 

With thanks to Melinda P for suggesting the two words lipstick & solved. 

 

 

Lost & found

Robbie was a little distressed.

His pocket money had been stopped for 3 weeks after he slipped a spider into Ashleigh Dobb's pencil case during a spelling test.

The problem was, a new set of dinosaur Top trumps was being released and Robbie had no money to buy them.

Robbie called at his friend Nick's house so that they could play in the park and discuss the situation. On the way to the park, Robbie's eye was drawn to a card displayed in the corner shop window with the following request.

It read

'Missing cat Peaches

Please return to Woodland cottage if found

Lucky finder will be paid £50.

This was it! How hard could it be to find a cat? Robbie was a little unsure how he would find the peaches but thought he'd still get a reward for finding the cat.

"Come on" Robbie said "Let's look around the Woodland cottage area"

So off they jogged to Woodland cottage where as suggested by the name, there was quite a sizable wood.

They kept as quiet as possible so as not to disturb any wildlife. Both Robbie & Nick screamed in a high-pitched way when a Muntjac deer suddenly shot from the undergrowth. Nick thought he'd spotted a deadly snake but it turned out to be a long stick with different shades of moss on it.

Suddenly, out the corner of his eye, Robbie saw a black shape move. It was definitely a cat.

Nick and Robbie approached the cat from slightly different angles but every time they got near, the cat scampered off. It always returned to near why they were standing and obviously thought this was a game. After Nick had fallen face-forward into a muddy pool and Robbie had plunged straight through some stinging nettles, they managed to catch the cat after it got distracted by a particularly large dandelion.

"How do we know it's the right cat?" Asked Nick.

Robbie looked at the collar of the cat. A tag on the collar said 'lucky'

"This is it" Said Robbie "The note in the window said "Lucky finder gets £50" "Well, we have found Lucky. The owner will be delighted after his loss and will pay us a reward!"

Robbie & Nick took the cat to Woodland cottage but there was no reply when they knocked on the door. So they wrote a note giving Robbie's address on a scrap of paper found for reasons they never discussed, just inside Nick's sock. They tied the cat to the garden gate with a piece of twine that they found lying near a vegetable patch and went home for tea.

Later that evening, there was a large rap on the front door. Dad answered the door and Robbie then heard a few raised voices.

Dad returned to the dining room and asked Robbie

"Did you take a cat to Woodland cottage today?"

"Yes" Replied Robbie excitedly, "Did someone bring round a reward?"

"You found the wrong cat!" Said Dad in a fairly exhausted way. "You found a cat called Lucky, but the missing cat was called Peaches! Lucky had a different address on the bag of his tag and we need to return him to his correct owner."

"Oh, and you've lost another two weeks pocket money" Dad carried on.

Dad and Robbie drove a bewildered Lucky back to the address written on the back of the tag, kncked on the door and returned him to a grateful owner who hadn't actually realised that his cat had wandered off.

Funnily enough, on the way home, Dad and Robbie had to drive past Woodland cottage.

About 500 yards past the cottage, Dad suddenly had to slam on the brakes as a cat shot across the road and crashed into a dustbin that had been left for collection the following morning.

Dad rushed over to the carnage and picked up a disheveled and shocked looking cat.

Written proudly on his name tag was 'Peaches'.

Dad had to smile. He drove back to Woodland cottage and returned the cat to an extremely grumpy but grateful owner.

The owner decided to pay a reward of just £10 and kind-hearted Dad gave it to Robbie so that he could buy his Top trumps.

The additional two week pocket money ban was still left in place, but Robbie didn't really mind as he and Nick stayed locked inside for at least a couple of weeks during their spare time comparing and trying to out-do each other's dinosaurs.

© Chris White

Impulse buy

Robbie pricked up his ears.

Mum had come home claiming that she had been spontaneous. She had gone to the shops to buy some breakfast cereal but had come home with a new pair of shoes. She had claimed these were an impulse buy. But all worked out well as Dad thought they looked pretty. Neighbour Mr Barclay thought they looked pretty but had red cheeks when he said this. Annabelle also thought she looked pretty. Robbie didn’t think she looked pretty as she was his mum and mums were not supposed to look pretty.

Robbie decided that he wanted to make an impulse buy. He emptied all the money from his piggy bank and headed for the shops. On reaching the parade of shops, he decided to close his eyes and when he opened them, he would buy something from that shop.

Firstly he banged into a lamppost and soon after walked into a surly looking traffic warden who could only growl at Robbie. When Robbie next opened his eyes he was outside the bank and didn’t think you could buy anything there. So he tried again and this time opened his eyes outside the pet shop.

The shop assistant was very helpful and when Robbie produced his pocket money, he was told that he had enough money to buy a newt.

Robbie was delighted. What an impulse buy! He rushed home to show the family and named the newt Nelly on the way home.

On showing his new pet, Dad raised his eyebrows, Mum sighed heavily, Annabelle called Robbie “Stoopid” and Bubbles the cat was intrigued until Nellie climbed on to Bubbles back one day and refused to come down.

The house was in chaos the next few days as Nellie ran riot around the house. It was found in the bread bin, it was found inside a toilet roll, it was found in Mum’s handbag, it swam in Annabelle’s bath water and seemed to sleep in Dad’s slippers.

Robbie loved his pet until one day Nellie just disappeared and was never seen by Robbie again. Robbie was a little upset for a day but soon got over it. Every now and then though, he did wonder what had happened to Nellie. Dad thought it had probably left the house and found a pond to live in.

The truth was never known to Robbie, but this is what happened.

At school, the day after Nellie went missing, Annabelle’s school class was tasked with designing and colouring a flag for a mythical country.

Annabelle had to ask permission to go to the toilet. She had forgotten to go during break time as she was listening to a particularly cool track on her i-pod with her best friend Faye Rosewood.

When Annabelle left the classroom, Rosie Leach, the naughtiest girl in the class, unzipped Annabelle’s pencil case as she new that Annabelle had a new set of felt tip pens.

Rosie shrieked as loudly as she could as a little green animal suddenly appeared from nowhere, jumped on to Rosie’s shoulder, licked her on the cheek, jumped down on to the floor and ran out the door.

“LIZARD!!!” Yelled Rosie and burst into tears.

Newts are quite small and nobody else in the classroom saw anything.

Rosie was sent to the head teacher’s room to be told off for yelling out in class. Annabelle thought it typical that Rosie had gone into her pencil case without asking but never for one moment did she connect Rosie’s claim of seeing a lizard with a missing newt.

Robbie decided that maybe Impulse buys weren’t the best idea and decided to save his pocket money so that he could buy his favourite comic.

With thanks to Holly Blackwood for the suggested two words - Spontaneous & newt.

A charmed life

Mum was going shopping for the day and Annabelle had been invited along. It would be a whole day trip and Mum’s friend, Mrs Pennington-Smythe was coming along. Annabelle liked Mrs Pennington-Smythe as she usually bought Annabelle a little treat.

At the breakfast table, Annabelle asked Mum why Mrs Pennington-Smyhte had two surnames and Mum said it was in case she lost one. This seemed logical, but Mum never answered when Annabelle asked if she could have a second surname.

Annabelle and her friends had been given a fun piece of homework, checking what ladies carried in her handbag. When Mrs Pennnigton-Smythe arrived at their house, Annabelle asked her if she would allow her to route through her handbag so that she could list the items that she carried around.

Mrs Pennington-Smythe went a light shade of pink.

“ I don’t mind at all, but you might want to throw away the half cheese sandwich I’ve been meaning to get rid of” she said.

Annabelle smiled as this was exactly the type pf thing all her friends were finding in ladies handbags. Rosie Leach claimed she had found a live canary in her neighbours handbag, but nobody rally believed her as she was quite naughty and a bit of a fibber.

The recent rain had only just stopped and there were large puddles everywhere.

“We will take some umbrellas” Announced Mum.

“All right dear, but don’t open them in the house!” Mrs Pennington-Smythe replied.

Mrs Pennington-Smythe was a lovely lady, but very superstitious. She carried with her, a horse shoe, a four leaf clover, a rabbit foot and a shamrock all for luck. She would never walk past a black cat, threw salt over her shoulder when she dropped it (Once hitting Bubbles the cat in the eye whilst doing this), and she would never take a number 13 bus.

The three ladies decided to walk into town and had an enjoyable chat, although Annabelle was told off for jumping in puddles and splattering her tights with muddy rain water.

As they approached the shops, a man was up a ladder painting a new sign at the bakers.

“ Now walk around the ladder! It’s bad luck to go underneath it” Mrs Pennington-Smythe said.

As they walked around the ladder, a car flew along the road at great speed.

All three saw it coming and pointed their umbrellas for cover. Mum and Annabelle managed to protect themselves, but Mrs Pennington-Smythe’s umbrella went inside out at exactly the wrong moment and she was completely drenched in spray.

Mum quickly rushed Mrs Pennington-Smyhte home and insisted that she have a shower.

“I don’t understand it” She wailed, “My lucky charms normally keep me safe from things like that.

Annabelle came up to Mum as Mrs Pennington-Smythe was in the shower.

“What shall I do with the half sandwich I took from Mrs Pennington-Smythe’s handbag Mum?” She asked

“Put it in the bin dear” Mum replied.

“ I found a Kentucky fried chicken bone as well so I took that out” Annabelle continued.

Mum found this slightly odd and looked where Annabelle was pointing.

That was no Kentucky fried chicken bone! It was Mrs Pennington-Smythe’s lucky rabbit foot.

Mum decided that it would be wise not to tell Mrs Pennington-Smythe that she had been splashed by a car when she didn’t have her lucky rabbit foot in the bag. She just slipped the rabbit foot back into the handbag and hoped that Annabelle wouldn’t ask any questions if she ever spotted it again.

© Chris White

A fishy tale

Dad could almost have anticipated what was about to happen!

He sat in his favourite chair with a large bag of spicy crisps, cracked open a beer and readied himself for the big game.

In burst Annabelle.

“Bubbles won’t eat her food” She wailed.

Dad sighed, lifted himself from his chair and walked to the kitchen.

Bubbles indeed had not touched her salmon cat food and had an odd expression on her face. Strangely though, Bubbles had gobbled up a small amount of spaghetti bolognaise that Annabelle had absent-mindedly dropped on the floor.

Later the same day as Dad waited to watch the replay of the game that he had missed, Robbie burst into the room.

“Bubbles hasn’t eaten her tea” He cried.

Dad again visited the kitchen and Bubbles had not touched her ocean menu cat-food.

Again, Bubbles had munched into a rather slow sparrow that she had pounced upon in the garden.

Dad was confused and took Bubbles to the vet to be checked out.

The vet checked Bubbles carefully and offered her a bowl of chicken and cheese cat food that Bubbles woofed down. The vet got a swished tail in the face as thanks from Bubbles which set him off on a sneezing fit.

“Maybe, Bubbles has gone off fishy food?” Suggested the vet.

Dad had not considered this and changed Bubbles diet to a meatier selection.

Bubbles ate his food happily and none of the family really gave it another thought.

Nobody saw late at night, Bubbles skulk down into the cellar.

An old video lay there with a TV on stand-by.

Bubbles pushed her paw onto the video and Finding Nemo burst into life on the screen. A tear appeared in Bubbles eye as Nemo was lost at sea.

Bubbles felt so sorry for that little fish and decided that she was not going to eat fish again.

Nobody was there to question how a cat could start a video.
Nobody was there to realise why Bubbles had stopped eating fish
Nobody could remember what Robbie had done with his Finding Nemo video

Although Bubbles soon started eating fish again, she never really enjoyed it and yet didn’t know why.

© Chris White

Trumpet cherrystone

Robbie had taken up the trumpet! His parents seemed to think he was making rather good progress, but parents are always slightly biased.

When Robbie practised, his sister Annabelle found an excuse to leave the house. Bubbles the cat usually bore the brunt of the trumpet and could be seen fleeing the house whenever the practice commenced.

Once, when Bubbles was caught off guard, the opening notes to ‘Smoke gets in your eyes’ made Bubbles almost leap out of her skin. She belted out of the living room and ran straight through a trifle that Annabelle had inexplicably left on the kitchen floor.

Fund raising was continuing at the school for a new swimming pool and a summer concert had been organised. Robbie was delighted to have been invited to join the brass band along with his friend Nick. The dulcet tones of ‘The grand old duke of York’ were heard 24/7 as Robbie feverously practiced his trumpet harmonies.

Annabelle’s classmate, Rosie Leech was not amused. She considered herself a great flute player, but Miss Jarvis the music teacher, did not agree! Rosie had not made the wind section of the school orchestra and was not pleased.

She had made an excuse to visit Annabelle much to Annabelle’s dismay. She called round one afternoon with a flimsy excuse about pressing flowers and wormed her way into the house.

Mum had earlier returned from the shops with a large bag of blood red cherries that were as sweet as nectar. She had put them in a bowl on the kitchen table for all to share, When an hour later, they had all disappeared, Mum was furious.

She blamed Robbie and Annabelle who both pleaded innocence. She questioned Rosie who put on her sweetest, innocent smile. Eventually, Bubbles was considered the culprit and Dad aimed a careful kick at his behind as Bubbles was chased out the door in disgrace.

The next day was concert day and the whole school arrived in anticipation at the school hall along with parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters and a smelly old lady who always put in an appearance and yet nobody knew who she was.

As the brass section warmed up, Robbie’s trumpet started making some strange noises. He tried tuning it, shaking it, blowing harder, blowing softer. All to no avail. With one particularly fierce blow, he made a sort of farting noise with the instrument. Miss Jarvis looked up and smiled nervously at the audience, not realising that they all thought that she had made the noise.

Robbie was frantic, he couldn't figure out what was wrong or why his trumpet wouldn't play properly.

Time had run out. Miss Jarvis waved her baton to start the song and Robbie blew into his trumpet for all he was worth. There was a loud noise like the opening of a new jam jar. Robbie’s trumpet burst into life and the whole audience were pelted by small fruit seeds.

Seeds landed in people’s laps, Miss Gurney the head teacher took one to the ear. The grubby little lady took one home for tea, Dad took a glancing blow to the head and some even flew out of the window.

The concert was a success. Nobody could explain the fruit seeds!

Bubbles was blamed for spitting the cherry stones into Robbie’s trumpet. Rosie was incensed that her attempt to sabotage Robbie’s playing had failed. Mum went back to buying seedless grapes and about 10 years later, a cherry tree started growing on the school playing fields that nobody could ever remember being planted.

© Chris White

Mysterious hero

Mum could not believe her eyes!

It had been hammering down with rain all night, there were rivers of water running down the street and yet Dad was standing there, as he did every Sunday, kitted out in his running gear for his weekly attempt at keeping fir.

“Are you mad?” asked Mum.

“Not good to miss a week” Replied Dad. “Besides, the rain has just about stopped!”

And off he set.

Annabelle raised her eyebrows, as that was what Mum had just done. Robbie didn’t notice as he was busy seeing how many spaghetti hoops he could get on the prong of a fork.

Dad took his usual route. Along the road, through the park, over the bridge, through the wood, back up another couple of streets and home.

All was fine although Dad secretly thought that Mum was probably right, as his socks were particularly wet and seemed to weigh twice as much as usual.

When Dad reached the woods, his usual path was more like a stream.

He decided to aim his feet at the small dry areas towards the very edge of the path,

This was slow going, but the idea seemed to be working.

In hindsight, this was not great thinking from Dad as there was quite a slope down from the path to some thorny, shrubbery below.

Suddenly, Dad’s foot hit an area on the edge of the path that completely gave way beneath him.

Dad had no chance to correct his footing and with an ungainly stumble and a loud curse, he tumbled down the slope and landed with a thud in a particularly thorny bush.

Dad picked himself up, checked that he was not seriously hurt and picked a few thorns carefully from his bottom.

Dad tried to climb back up the slope to the path.

But the slope was like a greasy pole. Every time he got a little way up, his footing would go and he would end up at the bottom in the same bush.

Dad scratched his head which hurt quite a lot as he had a thorn that he hadn't noticed attached to his finger nail. He couldn’t climb back up the slope and couldn’t go sideways as the bushes were too thick.

Dad had no reception on his phone because of the trees. Suddenly, he heard the pant of a dog next to him.

He looked down and indeed there was a dog standing next to him.

Wondering where on earth the dog had come from, Dad bent down to look at is collar.

The dog leapt up, whipped the cap from Dad’s head, scurried up the slope and disappeared out of site.

Dad could not believe his bad luck. He had another couple of failed attempts to climb the slope and finally slumped to the ground in exhaustion.

Meanwhile, back at the house. Mum was hanging up washing on the line whilst Annabelle tried to take up knitting and Robbie made a funny looking Lego monster.

As Mum hanged out Robbie’s school shirt, a dog leapt the garden gate and jumped up at Mum barking furiously.

Mum was initially livid as the dog left dirty footprints on Robbie’s school shirt. But then Mum noticed that the dog had dropped Dad’s cap at her feet.

The continual barking and the dog nudging her leg made Mum feel uneasy.

She gathered up Annabelle and Robbie and decided to see if the dog would lead them anywhere.

The dog went at a fair pace but Mum, Annabelle and Robbie on his scooter managed to keep up just about.

The dog led them to the exact spot where Dad had fallen.

Mum dispatched Robbie on his scooter to ask their neighbour Mr Barclay to come to the wood with a rope.

Robbie was super fast.

Mr Barclay had just the thing. He quickly made his way to the wood with a rope, tied it to a tree and Dad managed to climb up the slope.

When Dad was safe, they all turned around to congratulate the dog.

But the dog was nowhere to be seen!

Later that evening, Robbie asked the question that was on everyone’s mind.

“ Who was that dog and how did he know where we lived?”

Nobody had the answer and despite keeping heir eyes peeled, there was no sign that week of this mysterious, canine hero.

© Chris White

Fancy dress race

It was nearing the end of term and the annual school plays, fun days and sports days were all the rage.

Annabelle burst through the door one evening, clasping a letter from her teacher Miss Knowles firmly in her grasp.

A parent, fancy dress race had been organised in an attempt to raise funds for having the school outdoor swimming pool cleaned.

Dad had always fancied himself as a bit if an athlete. He didn't take much persuading and quickly organised a day off work.

The good news was that a parent Mrs Buckley, part-owned a local fancy dress store. She had offered to lend several costumes to the school for the race, so that parents would not find themselves out of pocket.

The pupils all came onto the field on the day of the race and had to sit in pairs so that everyone had a friend. This was organised on a random draw basis and Annabelle was deeply put out after being drawn with Rosie Leach. Rosie was very annoying and seemed to finish every sentence with the word ‘like’.

The kids had learned about the costumes from Mrs Buckley’s store. There was a Baloo, a Winnie the Pooh, a Scooby-Doo, a yogi bear, a dumb and strangely, a president Nixon.

Rosie's mouth had gone into drive with question after question.

“Who do you think will win like?” she asked

“ How do they get the costumes off like?”

“What sandwiches do you like, like?”

“Which costume does Miss Gurney have like?”

Miss Gurney was the head teacher and Rosie had a disliking for her ever since Rosie's text message alert had interrupted Miss Gurney’s assembly address on neat handwriting. Rosie had been severely told off and had to stay behind after school one day, causing her to miss a favourite TV show.

Annabelle tried to answer the questions but almost absent-mindlessly as Rosie was getting on her nerves a little.

“ Don't know! Over their heads. Tuna. Baloo”

Ananbelle was left by herself for a minute as Rosie announce that she had to visit the loo. She returned a few minutes later with a broad smile on her face.

“ I've put itching powder in Miss Gurney’s costume” Rosie said with a broad grin spreading across her face.

The fancy dressed figures lined up on the starting line. As Miss Knowles rummaged for the whistle in her pocket, there was a commotion on the starting line as Baloo started to do what looked like some kind of weird disco dance.

Rosie started to laugh hysterically.

“That's my itching powder like!” Rosie confessed triumphantly.

“That's my dad in the Baloo costume” Annabelle wailed.

Rosie looked stunned.

“You said that Miss Gurney was in Baloo like” Rosie yelled.

“I thought you asked which costume Miss Gurney liked” Annabelle screeched, “I know she's always liked the Jungle book. But Miss Gurney is in the president Nixon costume!”

The dancing baloo had become more and more bizarre and frantic. As the whistle was blown to start the race, Baloo shot off at a weird angle, crashed into Mrs Moriarty causing her to spill a Raspberry juice all down her pretty dress and there was a splash as the costumed Baloo plunged into the outdoor pool.

Several Dads rushed to the pool and it took four of them to pull a bedraggled Baloo from the pool.

Rosie obviously denied any wrong-doing and a confused Dad received a letter in the post a few days later including a stern warning about parent behaviour and a dry cleaning bill from Mrs Buckley for the Baloo costume.

©  Chris White

Melancholy cat

Dad was in a cheerful mood. Mum had gone away for a ‘girls weekend’ doing something that involved fish nibbling at her feet and he had been put in charge of the kids. Annabelle had her friend Faye to sleepover and Robbie was planning a particularly exciting adventure with his favourite Thunderbirds models. A shade retro, but Robbie loved these models.

That left Dad to happily put his feet up and watch the big game on the TV.

Just as the game was about to start, Robbie charged into the lounge.

“I can’t find Virgil anywhere!” he wailed.

The thing that amazed Dad about kids, was that you could never predict what their next problem would be.

“I’m sure he’s around somewhere” Said Dad, “Where did you last see him?”

”He was on my bedroom floor next to Thunderbird two” Robbie continued to wail, “Where could he be?”

This confused Dad as nobody had been in to Robbie’s room during the day.

They scoured the house for almost an hour but there was no sign of Virgil.

Dad returned to catch the second half of the game, as a disconsolate Robbie collapsed into a bean bag. As the players emerged from the tunnel, a particularly, melancholy Bubbles the cat, pitifully limped into the lounge and pathetically flopped into a corner of the room. An exasperated Dad, rose from his seat deciding that Bubbles was hungry and filled the cat bowl with some kind of fish related food. A pathetic Bubbles wouldn't touch it and almost seemed to sob into the bowl.

Dad gave Bubbles a quick examination but couldn't see anything wrong.

Needless to say, the rest of the game was ruined for Dad as Annabelle and Faye burst into the lounge and insisted on showing Dad a few Glee inspired songs and dances that they had perfected.

Dad gave up on the game and went to make the kids their tea.

As he walked into the lounge with a spaghetti bolognaise that he was quite proud of, Faye sparked up with

“Has Bubbles been drinking milk? He’s got froth around his mouth”

Dad put the kids food on the table and rested his on the floor as he looked at the cat.

“Quick everyone” Said Dad, “We’re off to the vet. Bubbles isn’t well.”

A worried Dad piled the kids into the car, slipping Bubbles into the other front seat. Dad had barely noticed that he'd trodden right into his spaghetti Bologniase in his rush to leave the house.

The vet kindly agreed to look at Bubbles urgently and after a nervous 30 minute wait, emerged from the surgery room with a tired but much more cheerful cat.

“It was an infection” Said the vet. “Bubbles had trodden on this, which had caused a cut that had become infected”

The vet held up a tiny figure of Virgil whose head now seemed to be at a slightly strange angle.

A relieved Dad drove the kids & Bubbles home, picking up fish and chips on the way home. Bubbles even ate a little of the fish as a treat and Robbie dipped his chips in cold Bolognaise sauce which repulsed both of the girls.

Dad stayed up late to watch a repeat of the game and whenever Thunderbirds came on the TV for the next month or two, Bubbles fled from the room.

©  Chris White

Secret Sandwich

It all started one day after school when Annabelle & her friend Faye couldn’t decide what to eat.

After much discussion, they invented a game called ‘secret sandwich’. Basically, it involved each of the girls going into the kitchen, taking two slices of bread and filling the sandwich with random ingredients that they found.

This obviously created some of the strangest combinations. Cheese and tulip leaves, ham and porridge oats, fish and chipsticks along with Annabelle’s favourite ever, a new take on BLT – Bacon, lettuce and tangerine peel.

So after school on a windy Thursday following a tiresome ballet class, the girls decided to play their favourite game.

 Annabelle’s first effort of cheese slice with chewy spaghetti went spectacularly wrong when a piece of spaghetti almost poked Faye’s eye out and the cheese slice still had the cellophane on it, which could have been very nasty.

Next it was Faye’s turn and she went into the kitchen to see what she could find.

She was proud of herself as she created her M&M sandwich. It’s marmalade, chocolate matchmaker and marshmellow.

Annabelle had the giggles as she took the first munch from the sandwich. It was probably the texture of the pink marshmellow with the bread that set her off giggling. She opened the sandwich to examine the contents and then took a second bite.

“I like the black pepper on it” she said, “Where did you find that?”

“It was on the windowsill next to a picture of a rat” Faye replied.

 Quite unexpectedly, Annabelle sprayed the contents of the sandwich from her mouth catching the cat Bubbles straight in the ear.

“That’s no rat” screamed Annabelle, “That was my brother Robbie’s pet gerbal. And that wasn’t black pepper, it was the gerbal’s ashes! Robbie was so upset when he died that Dad cremated him and put the ashes in a little pot".

Needless to say, ‘Secret sandwich was never played again and snacks after school reverted to eating jammy dodger biscuits.

©  Chris White

In the can

Every Friday evening, Robbie’s Mum and Dad did the weekly shop at the local supermarket, whilst Robbie stayed at home with Annabelle and their Grandma Susan.

But this week, Dad had a business meeting at the local golf course, Annabelle was at a friends and so Robbie had been drafted in to help Mum at the supermarket.

Robbie didn’t understand how a business meeting could be held on a golf course. If one person hit it right and the other left, how could they talk about business. And surely all their papers blew around in the wind. But never mind, Dad had had a talk with Robbie and given him a very important task. Robbie was to look after his mother at the shop. Dad had explained about pick-pockets and Robbie was to keep a close eye whilst his mother selected all the food that they required.

Robbie was going to take this job very seriously. He would need a weapon in case of pick-pockets. He decided to experiment in his room.

 He was considering taking his telescope, but accidentally poked Bubbles the cat in the eye. Bubbles shot out the room and crashed into a rubbish bin, a rocking chair and knocked over a pile of DVD’s as he fled from the house.

 Robbie decided it would be best to leave the telescope at home. Robbie looked out a catapult that Mum had told him not to use indoors, but Robbie pinged the elastic band on to his hand which rather hurt.

After much thought, Robbie decided that a water pistol was the thing to take.

What should he put into it?

Robbie decided on lemon squash.

He’d once spilled some lemon squash on to a small cut and it had stung quite a bit. He filled up his water pistol and slipped it into his bag along with a packet of plasters in case anybody got hurt.

At the supermarket, Robbie hung a pace or two behind Mum. Mum got a little cross thinking that Robbie was not keeping up, but Robbie was scouring the area for potential pick-pockets.

 He first suspected a little old lady who was walking slowly with a stick. He thought she was wearing a wig as a disguise, but when he jumped in to pull it off, he discovered that it was attached and the lady gave Robbie a sharp tap on his ankle with her stick.

Then Robbie suspected a man in a suit with a briefcase, that might be where he would hide the stuff he had pick-pocketed.

Robbie sneaked in and opened the briefcase, but lots of papers fell out on to the floor along with what looked like a squashed gooseberry sandwich. Robbie apologised profusely as the business man aimed a sly kick at Robbie’s back-side.

But then a figure appeared around the end of the supermarket aisle. Dressed as a security guard, Robbie knew that this must be a pick-pocket and that the crackling radio was just to lull innocent customers into a false sense of security.

As the security guard walked past a large tower of canned peas. Robbie drew his water pistol and shot the security guard clean between the eyes.

The security guard staggered back, stumbled into the tower of peas. They began to topple and almost in slow motion crashed to the ground. There was absolute bedlam. The security guard lay on the ground with cans of peas sticking out between his legs, under his arm and one somehow balanced on his nose.

Nobody had noticed what Robbie had done and his mum whisked him away from the carnage.

Robbie thought she was a bit mean not to say thank you.

At home that night, Robbie thought it strange that mum was telling dad about a drunk security guard at the supermarket.

Robbie hadn’t seen that and why didn’t Mum tell Dad how Robbie had fended off an evil pick-pocket?

Robbie decided to keep quiet and went to bed proud of the job he had done.

© Chris White

Cat soup

Annabelle skipped out of her school and made a bee-line for home, for possibly the first time ever, she didn’t stop to aimlessly chatter with her friends.
Cookery class had been great! She could have gone home with the tomato and basil soup that she’d made, but no! She wanted to impress her parent s by making her own soup at home with ingredients from the cupboard. After all, that was the advice from Miss Knowles, her teacher.

“Use whatever is left over in the cupboard” she had instructed.

She slung open the food cupboard at home and was shocked by the sheer lack of ingredients. A tin of spaghetti, a can of artichoke hearts and six digestive biscuits – Not your usual soup elements!

 But Anabelle was feeling resourceful and popped outside to see what she could find in the garden. Her dad had told her never to eat the wild mushrooms which was a shame, as they stood to attention almost demanding to be deployed.

After a few minutes scurrying about, Annabelle was struggling. A wild berry suddenly plopped to the ground. Annabelle eyed it up but again had been told never to eat these. But nobody had ever told her not to eat the leaves from the deciduous tree which they thought was a some kind of mix between an ash and an alder, but nobody was quite sure.

So Annabelle picked up half a bucket of these leaves, mixed them with some stock and the tin of artichoke hearts for good measure and set it off on a low simmer.

After 15-20 minutes, there was a smell that Annabelle wasn’t sure if she liked or not but it was certainly pungent. She ran the finished soup through a sieve and poured it into bowls for Mum, Dad and brother Robbie.

Her family were delighted when called for dinner, although Robbie put a finger up his nose – Admittedly, this was not strange behaviour for Robbie.

Mum tried the soup first. She smelt, sipped, gulped followed by a swallow. As fast as it had gone down, it came back up, as Mum spat it out spraying Dad straight between the eyes as he was about to try the first spoonful.

Mum’s finger went a funny shade of green for a minute as she tried to restore her ability to speak.

Mum tried to be polite but the words that she said came out as “Tssshok thhge hulrribigle schugtuff oghutshyrdle”.

“ I think she’s telling you to throw the soup way outside” said Dad “We’ll have spaghetti on toast for tea”.

But Annabelle left the bowls of soup outside. Miss Knowles along with that bald man from Masterchef had said something about rescuing a dish that had gone wrong, that’s what she would do tomorrow!.

The following morning, the family sat at the breakfast table. During their cornflakes, Robbie suddenly spat out his cornflakes and once again, Dad took it between the eyes.

“I just saw a bright green lizard” he cried.

A few minutes later Ananbelle shrieked spraying toast everywhere

“I just saw a frog” she cried.

Having thoroughly searched the house, they did indeed find a luminous green figure cowering beneath Grandpa’s old chair. But this was no lizard and no frog. This was Bubbles the cat and he had turned bright, luminous green!

Annabelle shot outside and her suspicions were confirmed. Bubbles had drunk all the soup!

Over the next few days. they washed Bubbles with shampoo galore, they made Bubbles drink loads of water, they took Bubbles to the vet. but all to no avail.

But on the fourth day, during a particularly shouty soap opera, Bubbles suddenly let out a huge burp. There was a green luminous cloud that slowly drifted out of the window and Bubbles almost before their eyes, returned to her normal, light ginger colour.

From that day onwards, whenever Bubbles burped, you could just make out a little green cloud, the end of Bubbles tail was a definite pea colour and however little light there was, Bubbles always stood out.

Oh, and for reasons that nobody really knew, Dad suddenly word glasses at every meal time.

© Chris White