Windsor mess

Mum was all of a flap!

Her book club was meeting at her house for the first time and it was the host's job to provide light refreshments.

On a summer's evening, Mum had decided to lay on a selection of dainty sandwiches with some crisps to nibble on. Nothing more substantial was required as there would be a lot of talking going on as this months book was discussed.

Mum had used tis as an excuse to visit the fancy new deli. that had  opened in the High Street. The place was amazing. Delicate looking rolls and loaves circled in front of your eyes on these clever carousel's that rotated at just the right speed. Gentle music and the smell of fresh baking seemed to rend you incapable of leaving the store.

Mum eventually decided on an exotic sounding pumpkin bread that was the most glorious, golden brown colour. 

Dad had been dispatched to the lounge where he could watch the game on the TV. Robbie was in the garden and Annabelle was in her room painting each of her toenails a different colour to see which she liked the most.  Bubbles the cat had curled up on Annabelle's bed but decided to leave her room when a particularly harsh rap song started up on the CD player. Unfortuately, Bubbles knocked over Annabelle's favourite nail varnish that went on as gold and then cracked in a trendy way.

Bubbles narrowly avoided a damp sock that Annabelle had angrily thrown in her direction.

Mum was determined to impress, particularly with the ultra-critical Mrs Pennington-Smythe rumoured to be in attendance.

Mum arranged all the sandwiches in delightful patterns on a three-tiered old fashioned tea plate that mum had inherited from her grandmother.

Meanwhile, Robbie was in the garden, absent-mindedly firing his pump action water pistol at birds that happened to land in their tall apple tree. Little did Robbie know that Bubbles had decamped up the tree as she decided it was safer than in the house. One shot of water from Robbie, badly aimed at a wood pigeon, caught Bubbles squarely in the left eye.

Bubbles shot down the tree, flew into the kitchen through the cat flap at exactly the moment that Mum was beginning to transport her beautifully presented sandwiches.

Mum saw Bubbles coming and in an attempt to swerve and avoid her, Mum slipped slightly on a small circle of cucumber. The tiered tea plate lurched at a funny angle and every single one of the sandwiches dropped in a synchronised way to the floor.

Mum was close to tears, but Dad had come into the kitchen for a fresh beer at exactly the right moment.

He dived into the cupboard for a large bowl, scooped up the fallen sandwiches and plopped them all in the bowl.

"Get the Doritto's" He ordered Mum.

"Robbieeee" He yelled.

Robbie trotted in and was slightly taken aback as Dad ordered him to clobber a bag of Doritto's with a rolling pin.

But this sounded like fun and Robbie spent a fun 45 seconds hitting them for all he was worth.

Dad ripped open the bag and poured the smashed crisps over the bowl of sandwiches. Dad then showed a previously unseen ability to chop carrot, pepper, tomato and cucumber at an electrifying rate and he tossed these also into the bowl.

He stirred the mix with two wooden spoons, gave mum 6 forks, one for each of her visitors and told her to pretend that this concoction was deliberate.

 "You've heard of Eton mess. Well, tell them that this is Windsor mess" He explained. "Tell them it's trendy, they won't dare to argue" He carried on.

So that's what mum did.

Unbelievably, it was a huge success. All the book group ladies loved the mixture of crisp, vegetables, pumpkin bread and assorted, mixed fillings.

The dish was so successful, that mum was asked to repeat it every time that book club returned to their house.