What a pickle

Robbie and his friends had come up with a wacky idea. They gave each other a week to go shopping with their mum's, slip an item into the shopping basket, pay for it at the checkout and get it home without mum noticing until the shopping was unpacked. Surprisingly, all six of the group that concocted this idea succeeded. Robbie's friend Nick had managed it with a raspberry jelly, Robbie had sneaked through a jar of pickles.

"What on earth is this?" asked mum as she unpacked at home. 

Robbie came clean and mum couldn't help but laugh.  She also told  Robbie in no uncertain terms, not to do it again. Robbie took a photo of mum holding the jar of pickles to show his friends and was quite happy when mum told him she would take it to her book club raffle. After all, nobody in the family particularly liked pickles.

The following day, mum came home from her book club.

"There's good news and bad news" she announced.

"The good news is, I won a prize in the book club raffle. The bad news is that I won the blasted pickles again."

Everybody laughed.

"I'll take the pickles round to Mr Barclay" Suggested Dad. Mr Barclay was their next door neighbour.

Now once a week, Annabelle emptied Mr Barclay's rubbish bins to earn a little bit of extra pocket money. The next day, as she took the rubbish outside, one of the bags split. Annabelle thought she had picked it all up, but she failed to notice the jar of pickles as it fell to the ground and rolled gently to their front door. Mum was completely bemused as she opened the door a little later and found the pickles lying on their step.

"I'll go and bury them in the wood" suggested Robbie. He jumped on his bike, took a trowel and dug a fairly deep hole. He put in the jar of pickles and covered them with earth.

The following day, the family heard the gate open at the end of the path and Dad felt sure he caught a glimpse of the mysterious dog that had helped him a few weeks previously. There on the step, was a muddy jar of pickles.

"I'll clean them up and take them into the office. One of the girls will probably take them " Said Dad.

That evening, Dad came home with a glum look on his face.

"I told one of the girls to take the jar on my desk" He said. "They took the wrong jar and went off with my humbugs" He wailed.

"I know" Said mum. "I'll donate them to the jumble sale being held at the village hall. If we then don't go to the sale, we can't get them back."

So that's what they did. But that evening, there was a knock at the door and there stood Mum's friend Mrs Pennington-Smythe.

" I saw these at the jumble sale" She said, holding up the jar of the pickles. "You always seem to have some around the house when I've been here recently so I thought you might like them."

The whold family collapsed in hysterical laughter leaving a bemused Mrs Pennington-Smythe to leave with a baffled expression on her face.

The jar of pickles were moved to a corner of the garage as a family mascot and always brought a smile to any member of the family when they saw them.

 Thanks to Morgan Johnstone for suggesting the two words - Jumble & pickles.

Horrible homework

For the first time in like, ever! Robbie had been enjoying his homework. In an inspired attempt to teach his class history, Miss Knowles had introduced them to the concept of 'Horrible history' from around the World and had set them the homework of finding the most gruesome things possible.

Some had gone better that others. Robbie's small poxed make-up had frightened music teacher Miss Jarvis so much, that she had dropped a trumbone onto her left big toe.

 Another boy on the class had come to school with a fake axe through his head but had got it jammed in the door and had given himself a nosebleed. Unfortunately, the nose bleed had seeped through to Miss Knowles's packed lunch and she had become quite grumpy.

There had been putrid pirates and evil Queen's galore and one boy had even come in with a papier mache horses head that ended up being the classroom mascot for the rest of the year.

All the class had learnt loads about terrible diseases, evil tyrants and unpleasant methods of punishing people.

Then one morning, just after the project had ended, Robbie's friend Nick seemed to go a funny shade of light green and apparently lost the ability to talk. He pushed his chair away from Robbie so fast that he actually toppled over and ended up crushing Katie Dunn's new school satchel.

Robbie was confused but couldn't get a coherent sentence out of Nick.

 Nick just said "Orrrrrlaminkkle' or 'Plagggguespoooootik'

Robbie put it down to Nick's team suffering a bad loss the night before and got on with his simple arithmetic problems.

But suddenly, as the day went on, Nick started doing the strangest things .

He got a blanket from lost property and put it on Nick in the middle of recorder practice in music. He sneaked out of school and bought Robbie an iced bun at lunchtime. He kept bringing cups of water and at one point offered Robbie a warm, wet towel.

At the end of the day, Nick went rushing to Miss Knowles and whispered in her ear.

Miss Knowles wasn't known for her hysterical laughter but this particular bout went on for about 5 minutes. At last, she regained her composure and called Robbie over.

"No Nick" she said. "Robbie is not dying and does not have the plague. Those freckle-like spots and rashes are not symptoms of the bubonic plague. They're specks of paint from earlier today when Robbie was helping us finish off our Horrible history display for assembly" "He obviously missed a bit when he washed his ha......AH-hahahahaha..."

Miss Knowles collapsed again in uncontrollable mirth.  Nick went a bright shade of crimson and crestfallen, skulked out of the classroom feeling a bit of a twit.

Robbie, although he could see the funny side, was kind of touched that his friend Nick had cared so much.

That night, Nick asked mum to knock up a batch of homemade iced buns. He took them round to Nick's house and they happily munched them whilst watching not horrible histories, but a replay of Nick's favourite team winning away from home. 

 Story based on the two suggested words - Dying & World.

Doorstep dilemma

It was a quiet summer’s evening. Mum was baking muffins, Dad was watching the game on TV and Robbie was trying to locate a particularly itchy piece of ear wax with a pencil.

The letter box gently rattled and Annabelle came into the lounge a couple of minutes later clutching an unaddressed envelope.

“I don’t know what this is or who it is for” She announced.

“Open it sweetie” Said Mum s she handed around honeycomb muffins that were still warm and so delicious that they rendered everyone speechless for a few moments.

“ It’s a poem” Said Annabelle. “It says”
I promise that I’m not a bore
Meet at the clock at say, ten past four.

None of the family knew what this meant and as Dad’s team were losing, he suggested that the family go to the clock in the town for 4 o’clock to see if any light could be thrown on this mystery.

They arrived in town on time, only to find the place almost deserted. Just Billy Sadler, a boy from Annabelle’s school sat on a bench near the clock. He looked horrified to see Annabelle and made a vague attempt to cover his face with his collar.

“Maybe, he fancies you” Joked Robbie.

“No chance” Replied Annabelle “He’s never liked me since I snapped his protractor.”

The family returned home and forgot about the mysterious rhyme. But then the next day, at the same time, another poem arrived through the post box, again unaddressed.

This time Robbie read it
You’ll have the best time since you’ve been alive
Meet at the clock around quarter to five.

Once again the family went to the town clock at the time specified on the rhyme and again nothing happened and nobody appeared, although Billy Sadler was again sitting on the same bench.

The family went home and almost found themselves hoping that another rhyme would arrive the next day. And indeed it did. Mum decided it was her turn to read
A fun filled evening at the flicks
Meet at the clock at twenty past six.

But it was the same story. The family went to the clock. Nobody came to meet them and Billy Sadler was again sitting on the bench.

“Does that boy not have a home to go to” Exclaimed Dad.
“He’s a loser” replied Annabelle.

Mum treated the family to a night at the cinema anyway and Robbie was very proud to have managed to stuff 25 pieces of popcorn into his mouth at one time.

The next day, another poem arrived and Dad read it out loud.
I’m not allowed out as late as eleven
Best I can do, is five past seven.

The family went to the clock for five past seven and once again saw Billy Sadler although this time he was hopping from foot to foot in a slightly agitated way.

Mum decided to go and make sure he was all right.

“I’m fine” Said Billy. “I was hoping that Ashleigh Campbell would agree to meet me, I’ve left four notes through her door at number 65, but she hasn’t turned up”

“Billy “ Said mum in a gentle voice. “We live at number 65, I think you may have left the notes at the wrong house”

Billy dived for his pocket and pulled out a grubby piece of paper that looked like it had been through the washing machine at least twice. Billy suddenly went a bright shade of crimson and he was sure that mum could feel the heat from his cheeks.

“Oh no” he wailed “I should have put it through number 95”

Annabelle had slouched over at this point and couldn’t help letting out a little shriek of amusement.

Billy hurried home and Annabelle made sure that she facebooked Ashleigh to relate the story.

Ashleigh pretended to not be interested, but was actually a little flattered.

She left a little note in Billy’s locker the following day whilst nobody was looking.
It said.
You may not have found my front door
But I’ll be at the clock at just after four.

Ashleigh and Billy only went on the one date and that was to a café in the next town so that nobody would recognise them. But Billy had a wide smile on his face for at least a week.

Windsor mess

Mum was all of a flap!

Her book club was meeting at her house for the first time and it was the host's job to provide light refreshments.

On a summer's evening, Mum had decided to lay on a selection of dainty sandwiches with some crisps to nibble on. Nothing more substantial was required as there would be a lot of talking going on as this months book was discussed.

Mum had used tis as an excuse to visit the fancy new deli. that had  opened in the High Street. The place was amazing. Delicate looking rolls and loaves circled in front of your eyes on these clever carousel's that rotated at just the right speed. Gentle music and the smell of fresh baking seemed to rend you incapable of leaving the store.

Mum eventually decided on an exotic sounding pumpkin bread that was the most glorious, golden brown colour. 

Dad had been dispatched to the lounge where he could watch the game on the TV. Robbie was in the garden and Annabelle was in her room painting each of her toenails a different colour to see which she liked the most.  Bubbles the cat had curled up on Annabelle's bed but decided to leave her room when a particularly harsh rap song started up on the CD player. Unfortuately, Bubbles knocked over Annabelle's favourite nail varnish that went on as gold and then cracked in a trendy way.

Bubbles narrowly avoided a damp sock that Annabelle had angrily thrown in her direction.

Mum was determined to impress, particularly with the ultra-critical Mrs Pennington-Smythe rumoured to be in attendance.

Mum arranged all the sandwiches in delightful patterns on a three-tiered old fashioned tea plate that mum had inherited from her grandmother.

Meanwhile, Robbie was in the garden, absent-mindedly firing his pump action water pistol at birds that happened to land in their tall apple tree. Little did Robbie know that Bubbles had decamped up the tree as she decided it was safer than in the house. One shot of water from Robbie, badly aimed at a wood pigeon, caught Bubbles squarely in the left eye.

Bubbles shot down the tree, flew into the kitchen through the cat flap at exactly the moment that Mum was beginning to transport her beautifully presented sandwiches.

Mum saw Bubbles coming and in an attempt to swerve and avoid her, Mum slipped slightly on a small circle of cucumber. The tiered tea plate lurched at a funny angle and every single one of the sandwiches dropped in a synchronised way to the floor.

Mum was close to tears, but Dad had come into the kitchen for a fresh beer at exactly the right moment.

He dived into the cupboard for a large bowl, scooped up the fallen sandwiches and plopped them all in the bowl.

"Get the Doritto's" He ordered Mum.

"Robbieeee" He yelled.

Robbie trotted in and was slightly taken aback as Dad ordered him to clobber a bag of Doritto's with a rolling pin.

But this sounded like fun and Robbie spent a fun 45 seconds hitting them for all he was worth.

Dad ripped open the bag and poured the smashed crisps over the bowl of sandwiches. Dad then showed a previously unseen ability to chop carrot, pepper, tomato and cucumber at an electrifying rate and he tossed these also into the bowl.

He stirred the mix with two wooden spoons, gave mum 6 forks, one for each of her visitors and told her to pretend that this concoction was deliberate.

 "You've heard of Eton mess. Well, tell them that this is Windsor mess" He explained. "Tell them it's trendy, they won't dare to argue" He carried on.

So that's what mum did.

Unbelievably, it was a huge success. All the book group ladies loved the mixture of crisp, vegetables, pumpkin bread and assorted, mixed fillings.

The dish was so successful, that mum was asked to repeat it every time that book club returned to their house. 

Coded message

Robbie and his friend Nick were not happy!

Double French with Miss Knowles was nobody's idea of fun. To make matters worse, there was a test schedules for later that afternoon.

As Miss Knowles was muttering something about a conjunctive known, there was a knocking sound behind Robbie and Nick that seemed to be coming from the radiator.

Robbie whispered in Nick’s ear that it was probably an air-lock. Robbie had learned this from Dad and knew that you had to bleed radiators to sort out this problem.

Halfway through the French test later that afternoon, the knocking started again.

“Maybe it’s morse code?” Said Nick in a loud whisper.

Unfortunately, Miss Knowles heard the whisper and deducted a mark from Nick.

Robbie however, found this interesting. Maybe it was someone sending code. Nothing for it, this was a problem that needed to be solved.

So after school, Robbie and Nick went to the room above their classroom as that’s where the knocking seemed to be coming from.

It was the girls toilet!

“That’s it” said Robbie. “A girl is sending us a coded message from the toilet”

The boys were excited as can be and shot to the library to borrow a book on morse code so that they could decipher the message.

The school librarian was happy to find such a book. It hadn’t been borrowed for quite some time and had a thick layer of dust. The librarian blew the dust from the cover which unfortunately caught Robbie in the left eye and made him drop his heavy pencil case on to his foot.

The next day the boys sat eagerly in class, not listening to the teacher but waiting for the next coded message. At the same time as the day before, the knocking started.

Nick seemed the quickest at deciphering the code and came up with the following message

Wnyt a bpti uf iy bhfsl

The boys stared at this message for quite a time until Robbie declared

“Want a bite of my bagel. That’s what it says! A girl is inviting us to share her bagel!”

The boys were beside themselves with excitement.

“How do we find out who sent the message” Asked Nick.

Robbie thought for a while and then answered.

“Simple! We borrow a dress from lost property and a lipstick that I can take from Mum’s handbag. She has loads! When the knocking starts, you ask to go to the toilet. Quickly change so that you look like a girl. Go into the girls toilet and see who is sending the message”

Nick thought this was a brilliant plan. He was very worried about dressing up as a girl but didn’t want to look like a wimp.

So after school, Nick managed to borrow a dress whilst Robbie distracted the teacher by complaining of a sharp pain in his left, big toe. In the evening, Robbie took a lipstick Whilst Mum was on a lengthy phone call, arranging her next book club meeting and the boys were ready to go.

So the next day, when the knocking started again, Nick held up his hand and asked if he could go to the toilet.

Off he shot, quickly changed into the dress and slapped on some lipstick although some of that mysteriously ended up on his nose. He charged through the girls toilet door and found………Nothing!! Not a soul was in there.

Nick scratched his head, walked out of the girls toilet and almost collided with Miss Gurney, the head teacher.

“You girl, you know that lipstick is not allowed in school” She bellowed.

Nick fled like the wind. Despite his fear, Nick couldn’t help but think how draughty it was running in a dress. He changed back into his normal clothes, wiped off the lipstick with a tissue and rushed back to class.

Miss Gurney had spotted a distinctive mark on the back of the fleeing child's dress and she knew that this dress belonged to Rosie Leach, one of the naughtier children in the school.

So Rosie was summoned to Miss Gurney’s office and was completely bemused when she was given a detention, after all, Rosie had been singing with the school choir at the time of the alleged offence. But Miss Gurney was quite fierce and Rosie thought it best not to argue.

The knocking on the radiator never occurred again. Robbie and Nick both got a C their French tests and Nick’s Dad could not work out how his son had got lipstick on his nose.

Little did the boys know that Miss Jarvis, the music teacher had been planning a school concert in her spare periods. She had listened to her i-pod for songs that could be used and was prone to tapping her foot in time to the music on a radiator pipe in her room. The noise had echoed down the pipes and, well, you know the rest!

 

With thanks to Melinda P for suggesting the two words lipstick & solved. 

 

 

Lost & found

Robbie was a little distressed.

His pocket money had been stopped for 3 weeks after he slipped a spider into Ashleigh Dobb's pencil case during a spelling test.

The problem was, a new set of dinosaur Top trumps was being released and Robbie had no money to buy them.

Robbie called at his friend Nick's house so that they could play in the park and discuss the situation. On the way to the park, Robbie's eye was drawn to a card displayed in the corner shop window with the following request.

It read

'Missing cat Peaches

Please return to Woodland cottage if found

Lucky finder will be paid £50.

This was it! How hard could it be to find a cat? Robbie was a little unsure how he would find the peaches but thought he'd still get a reward for finding the cat.

"Come on" Robbie said "Let's look around the Woodland cottage area"

So off they jogged to Woodland cottage where as suggested by the name, there was quite a sizable wood.

They kept as quiet as possible so as not to disturb any wildlife. Both Robbie & Nick screamed in a high-pitched way when a Muntjac deer suddenly shot from the undergrowth. Nick thought he'd spotted a deadly snake but it turned out to be a long stick with different shades of moss on it.

Suddenly, out the corner of his eye, Robbie saw a black shape move. It was definitely a cat.

Nick and Robbie approached the cat from slightly different angles but every time they got near, the cat scampered off. It always returned to near why they were standing and obviously thought this was a game. After Nick had fallen face-forward into a muddy pool and Robbie had plunged straight through some stinging nettles, they managed to catch the cat after it got distracted by a particularly large dandelion.

"How do we know it's the right cat?" Asked Nick.

Robbie looked at the collar of the cat. A tag on the collar said 'lucky'

"This is it" Said Robbie "The note in the window said "Lucky finder gets £50" "Well, we have found Lucky. The owner will be delighted after his loss and will pay us a reward!"

Robbie & Nick took the cat to Woodland cottage but there was no reply when they knocked on the door. So they wrote a note giving Robbie's address on a scrap of paper found for reasons they never discussed, just inside Nick's sock. They tied the cat to the garden gate with a piece of twine that they found lying near a vegetable patch and went home for tea.

Later that evening, there was a large rap on the front door. Dad answered the door and Robbie then heard a few raised voices.

Dad returned to the dining room and asked Robbie

"Did you take a cat to Woodland cottage today?"

"Yes" Replied Robbie excitedly, "Did someone bring round a reward?"

"You found the wrong cat!" Said Dad in a fairly exhausted way. "You found a cat called Lucky, but the missing cat was called Peaches! Lucky had a different address on the bag of his tag and we need to return him to his correct owner."

"Oh, and you've lost another two weeks pocket money" Dad carried on.

Dad and Robbie drove a bewildered Lucky back to the address written on the back of the tag, kncked on the door and returned him to a grateful owner who hadn't actually realised that his cat had wandered off.

Funnily enough, on the way home, Dad and Robbie had to drive past Woodland cottage.

About 500 yards past the cottage, Dad suddenly had to slam on the brakes as a cat shot across the road and crashed into a dustbin that had been left for collection the following morning.

Dad rushed over to the carnage and picked up a disheveled and shocked looking cat.

Written proudly on his name tag was 'Peaches'.

Dad had to smile. He drove back to Woodland cottage and returned the cat to an extremely grumpy but grateful owner.

The owner decided to pay a reward of just £10 and kind-hearted Dad gave it to Robbie so that he could buy his Top trumps.

The additional two week pocket money ban was still left in place, but Robbie didn't really mind as he and Nick stayed locked inside for at least a couple of weeks during their spare time comparing and trying to out-do each other's dinosaurs.

© Chris White

Impulse buy

Robbie pricked up his ears.

Mum had come home claiming that she had been spontaneous. She had gone to the shops to buy some breakfast cereal but had come home with a new pair of shoes. She had claimed these were an impulse buy. But all worked out well as Dad thought they looked pretty. Neighbour Mr Barclay thought they looked pretty but had red cheeks when he said this. Annabelle also thought she looked pretty. Robbie didn’t think she looked pretty as she was his mum and mums were not supposed to look pretty.

Robbie decided that he wanted to make an impulse buy. He emptied all the money from his piggy bank and headed for the shops. On reaching the parade of shops, he decided to close his eyes and when he opened them, he would buy something from that shop.

Firstly he banged into a lamppost and soon after walked into a surly looking traffic warden who could only growl at Robbie. When Robbie next opened his eyes he was outside the bank and didn’t think you could buy anything there. So he tried again and this time opened his eyes outside the pet shop.

The shop assistant was very helpful and when Robbie produced his pocket money, he was told that he had enough money to buy a newt.

Robbie was delighted. What an impulse buy! He rushed home to show the family and named the newt Nelly on the way home.

On showing his new pet, Dad raised his eyebrows, Mum sighed heavily, Annabelle called Robbie “Stoopid” and Bubbles the cat was intrigued until Nellie climbed on to Bubbles back one day and refused to come down.

The house was in chaos the next few days as Nellie ran riot around the house. It was found in the bread bin, it was found inside a toilet roll, it was found in Mum’s handbag, it swam in Annabelle’s bath water and seemed to sleep in Dad’s slippers.

Robbie loved his pet until one day Nellie just disappeared and was never seen by Robbie again. Robbie was a little upset for a day but soon got over it. Every now and then though, he did wonder what had happened to Nellie. Dad thought it had probably left the house and found a pond to live in.

The truth was never known to Robbie, but this is what happened.

At school, the day after Nellie went missing, Annabelle’s school class was tasked with designing and colouring a flag for a mythical country.

Annabelle had to ask permission to go to the toilet. She had forgotten to go during break time as she was listening to a particularly cool track on her i-pod with her best friend Faye Rosewood.

When Annabelle left the classroom, Rosie Leach, the naughtiest girl in the class, unzipped Annabelle’s pencil case as she new that Annabelle had a new set of felt tip pens.

Rosie shrieked as loudly as she could as a little green animal suddenly appeared from nowhere, jumped on to Rosie’s shoulder, licked her on the cheek, jumped down on to the floor and ran out the door.

“LIZARD!!!” Yelled Rosie and burst into tears.

Newts are quite small and nobody else in the classroom saw anything.

Rosie was sent to the head teacher’s room to be told off for yelling out in class. Annabelle thought it typical that Rosie had gone into her pencil case without asking but never for one moment did she connect Rosie’s claim of seeing a lizard with a missing newt.

Robbie decided that maybe Impulse buys weren’t the best idea and decided to save his pocket money so that he could buy his favourite comic.

With thanks to Holly Blackwood for the suggested two words - Spontaneous & newt.